This is not Vietnam; there are rules.

I should make the ground rules clearer.

The idea is to watch all of my narrative film DVDs in alphabetical order. Numbered films such as 3:10 to Yuma come at the beginning. Cleverly titled films such as Se7en come at "S." Three Men and a Baby, if I owned such a thing (I don't. No, really.) would go under "T."

Blu-Ray titles don't count. This means I can still buy Blu-Ray movies if I want and it doesn't screw everything up.

Concert DVDs and TV on DVD do not count. I'm just watching movies. I consider Gimme Shelter to be a concert film/documentary.

In the case of franchises, I'm watching them in the order of best narrative. That means I'm watching all five Planet of the Apes films in order, not messing up the order due to alphabetizing. Beneath the Planet of the Apes should not come before Battle for the Planet of the Apes.

In cases where films are released in a boxed set, such as The Pink Panther, the order is chronological, even if there's a prequel.

And in the hilariously named Alien Quadrilogy (which isn't a word), a set that includes alternate versions and "director's cuts," the preferred viewing will be the one the director endorses. That means only James Cameron's alternate version will be viewed here and the rest will stick to theatrical releases. The set is great, but upon further review, most of the directors didn't want to revisit their films. Yes, even David Fincher.

And, if for some reason I miss one because I've loaned out a movie or misplaced something, I will do the antibiotic thing: Watch as soon as I remember, discover, re-acquire, whatever.

I've thought about this. Shut up.