Fletch/Fletch Lives

"I don't shower much."

I've previously written about Cornelius Crane "Chevy" Chase's influence on my behavior, but no Chevy Chase role had a greater influence on me, my sense of humor, or my general level of smartassery than Fletch.

"Fletch" is short for Fletcher.  That's Irwin M. Fletcher, or Fletch F. Fletch, or Jane Doe, or Don Corleone, or Harry S. Truman, or John Cocktoastin (my favorite), or Dr. Rosenrosen, or Victor Hugo, or Hank Himmler, or Nostradamus, or Claude-Henry Smmoot.  Fletch has many names.

He's a reporter for a Los Angeles newspaper, but he always seems to find much more than average news stories. He goes through disguises and aliases with cartoonish frequency, but his dialogue is some of the funniest I've ever heard, and what makes me watch again and again.

"This house is obviously infested with Reticulermes mariocuomos."

Sure, Chase's other films — Spies Like Us, Funny Farm, and Caddyshack to name a few — feature plenty of lines I rattle off in everyday conversation, but the Fletch films provided the heaviest helpings of Chevy's smartass comments, outright bullshit, and physical comedy.

Adult males of a certain age and disposition (typically in the Gen-X/Gen-Y range, and with a penchant for annoying nearby women) all seem to love — and quote — the Fletch films.  Maybe that's the Gen-X/Y tendency toward irony with a dash of condescension, or maybe that's just the XY.

Probably both.

I've often heard of Fletch described as "the one where the guy hires him to kill him" and Fletch Lives as "the one where he goes to the south."  The plots, if you call them plots, are half-baked and convoluted, but who cares when you have this great vehicle for Chevy Chase?

"What can I do to y--for you?"

I taped Fletch Lives one random day in the '80s, and I watched that glorious VHS tape until I had the entire film memorized.  This means I've probably seen the 1989 sequel a few dozen times more than the first film.

In a few cases, I watched Fletch Lives with my parents.  There weren't many films that would stand up to repeated viewings at the King Ranch.  Even the Blu-Ray.com reviewer gets nostalgic about watching this film with his dad.  I'm not the only one who gets a little misty.

In high school, I wrote a radio play that was hopelessly derivative of the Fletch films and whatever other films were influencing me at the time, and by "hopelessly derivative" I mean that I miraculously avoided accusations of plagiarism because my high school teachers were either too busy to care or too uncool to notice.  I'm not proud.

"I would've used your razor, but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it."

Fletch Lives also seems edited with a greater sense of comic timing.  What I mean is that for the first half hour or so, this film is just riddled with great-line-then-cut editing.  The jokes come quickly, even as the Klan show up to torment Cleavon Little's character.  This is where Chevy Chase really shines.

Of all his great lines and funny moments, for me the quintessential Fletch moment is when Chevy Chase picks up the Klansman's bullhorn and says, "Zulu!  Zulu!  [nonsense]  Gene Hackman kick your ass!  [nonsense]  You want to pay you have to buy!"  I've probably rewound and re-watched that bit dozens of times, trying to get exactly what Fletch says there.  The above comes from the DVD subtitles, with my best guess there at the end.

"When it comes to stewed prunes, are three enough?  Are four too many?"

Fletch Lives is my favorite of the two films, even though most people prefer the first film.  For me, the sequel has better one-liners, a better cast (Hal Holbrook, Randall "Tex" Cobb, R. Lee Ermey, Cleavon Little, Phil Hartman, and Richard Belzer), and the writer, Leon Capetanos, makes the inspired choice of giving Fletch a fish-out-of-water story rather than basing this film on one of Gregory Mcdonald's mystery novels.

Curiously, Capetanos hasn't had a produced script since Fletch Lives, in 1989, but since then he's made a career out of real estate — not unexpected given the film's themes of estates, realtors, plantations, and whatnot.  Information on this writer is hard to find and sketchy at best.  As for Fletch films, there's been some chatter about a reboot, and the idea's been tossed around Hollywood like a hot potato covered in Belle Isle toxic waste.  So far, nothing.

I've often thought that Ryan Reynolds would make a perfect Fletch if a reboot ever happened, but Reynolds once called the role "hallowed ground" and said he would not go there.  "Hallowed ground" my Cocktoastin.  This is the same guy who basically channeled Chevy when playing Van Wilder.  I'm not the only one who noticed.  I don't understand the holdup.

I've spent more than 20 years watching and re-watching the Fletch films, popping off the lines of dialogue in mixed company, and hoping somebody would catch the reference.

Sometimes, somebody does, and it's at those points, I know I have a friend in smartassery.
As far as you know.