Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

My dad and I caught Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid on television when I was too young to understand what director Carl Reiner and Steve Martin were trying to do.

To really get Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, you really have to love classic gangster pictures and films noir. Reiner cannibalized a long list of old films and used them to string together this ridiculous, nonsensical plot — something about a Nazi conspiracy to kill the world with supercharged cheese mold.

But I don't watch Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid for the plot. This is a brilliant homage/parody. Plus, where else can you see a film with Steve Martin alongside Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Kirk Douglas, Ava Gardner, Cary Grant, Alan Ladd, Veronica Lake, Burt Lancaster, Charles Laughton, Fred MacMurray, Vincent Price, Barbara Stanwyck, and Lana Turner?

Also, the movie is damn funny.

Tonight, for example, I just caught this line of dialogue, and I've seen this at least 20 times:

"What are we going to do?" the blonde sexpot asks.

"Kinsey, from cover to cover."

That's not a joke a little kid understands.

Here are a few more great lines:

"Totally housebroken. His name is...Ramon."

"Let's go out dancing! You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue."

"My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face."

"Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you."

I've seen this film so many times, I've memorized most of these lines. Without question, I put this in my top ten film comedies, and it's easily Steve Martin's best work in a film not called The Jerk.

Whatever happened to Steve Martin, anyway? He used to do hilarious, offbeat pictures. Now he does romantic comedies for your mom. His partnership with Carl Reiner from 1979 to 1984 yielded some of the funniest films I've ever watched. I haven't seen a solid Steve Martin picture in almost 20 years — probably since L.A. Story. Martin and Reiner's four films are all comedy gold.

Unfortunately, people seem to forget about Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. I wonder if that's because the film is in black and white. This is a great example of why people who refuse to watch black and white movies really miss out. Not only is Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid a solid comic effort, but a gateway to all the films used within, including Double Indemnity and White Heat, two noir classics.

As a nice touch, this film was dedicated to costume designer Edith Head, who seemingly worked on every film of the twentieth century, including many of the films mined for footage to make Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. This one is credited as Edith Head's final film. Fashionistas take note.

Speaking of fashionistas, how about the Peruvian cop's random obsession with Rigby Reardon's pajamas? I count at least four references toward the end of the film, including offers to wash and press them. I love this. I love this terribly. I sometimes rewind the film so I can hear this again and again. "¡Señor! Your pajamas!"

Finally, I'd feel awful if I didn't mention the climactic scene's reference to the only town destroyed by the Field Marshall's cheese bomb — Terre Haute, Indiana.

Guess that explains the smell over there.